By Lauren Thomas, MA, LPC
It’s hard to be human, isn’t it? We exist in bodies that have capacity for strength and movement yet are fragile. We get sick, injured, and tired. We exist in community with capacity for love and fun, yet we get wounded by unkindness, selfishness, and injustice. We set goals and work hard and sometimes our efforts go unnoticed or unrewarded. Add to the joy and pain of life the pressure of the social media comparison game, and we can feel utterly defeated.
If you’re reading this and wondering if life is going smoothly for everyone else except you, let me encourage you that you are not alone. Welcome to the club that we’re all members of but rarely get real enough to talk about!
I want to highlight a few things that we all share, in hopes that you will embrace your beautifully flawed humanity:
1. You are allowed to experience two emotions (or more) at the same time
Life is neither all good nor all bad. Most of the time, our experience falls somewhere in the middle. Sometimes we can feel pressure to appear happy and “upbeat” all the time, but it’s okay to acknowledge that even our most joyful moments can be tinged with sadness or pain. Sometimes we mask anger or frustration, wanting to “keep the peace,” but conflict is part of relationships and can strengthen bonds if handled in a healthy way. Rather than avoiding “negative” emotions, it is more beneficial to notice and name them, then ask yourself what those feelings might be telling you. Perhaps you are feeling lonely or unseen; maybe you’re exhausted and need a break. Our emotions can help us determine what boundaries we need to protect our energy or resources, or what support we need from our loved ones. What brings us joy can clue us into our values and priorities. While our emotions aren’t always rooted in truth, they are reminders that being human – living a full life – means accepting the “both/and,” the highs and lows.
2. You are not a machine
Our culture celebrates productivity. I can’t tell you how many people have told me they feel guilty for sitting down or investing in a hobby. Why take a walk, nap, paint, or call a friend when there are deadlines to meet, chores to be done? Let me remind you that you do not have an endless reserve of energy. You are a living creature who needs proper nourishment, exercise, and restorative rest. You were created to be in relationship. We flourish best when we are loved and love others in return. You were made for fun and creativity! We need to carve out space to enjoy beauty: in nature, art, and music, to name a few. When we give ourselves permission to rest, we actually get recharged enough to be more focused and efficient when we do return to our tasks! Working nonstop only leads to burnout.
3. You don’t have to “push through” or “get over” hard things
Just like we can “push through” when it comes to choosing tasks over rest, hobbies, and relationships, sometimes we also push through our own trauma or discomfort over painful things that have happened to us. The truth is that we can’t ignore our problems and expect them to go away on their own. Time alone does not heal wounds. If you’re beating yourself up because you think you should be “past” a particular issue right now, or something you thought you had dealt with keeps resurfacing, let me assure you that you are normal. Just as much of our pain happens in the context of relationships, healing also comes through relationships.
One of the benefits of therapy is being in a professional relationship with a compassionate, trained helper who will not only bear witness to your pain but also be a guide in the healing process. By addressing past wounds and present struggles and symptoms, you will begin to experience greater peace. With tools like EMDR, you can experience freedom from the hurt and shame that has kept you stuck for years. It is never too late to heal!
4. You are in process
I mentioned earlier that we are living creatures, and like all living things we are constantly growing and changing, learning and adapting. This is good news, because accepting that we are in process frees us from the pressure to know it all or “have it all together.” Sure, we like to appear in control and like we have life figured out, but how much more content we would be if we humbly accepted that we can’t predict what will happen in five minutes, much less five months or five years from now. Being in process means that we are allowed to try and fail, then get back up and try again. It means we can ask for help, instead of struggling on our own. It means that we may not be where we want to be right now, but we can also celebrate the big and small wins along the way.
5. When you are vulnerable, you give others permission to be vulnerable, too
One of the best parts of embracing our humanity is recognizing that we are not the only ones who have challenges. As I said at the beginning, you are not alone in feeling both the delight and the weight of living in this world. When we are honest with ourselves and others, it frees others to be honest as well. I am not suggesting we share our burdens with every person we meet, but it is important that we be authentic with the people we trust most. I know you have felt it: the moment someone shares something you’re well-acquainted with and you exhale, feeling a sense of relief that another person “gets” it. Vulnerability, though a risk, is a gift we give one another.
Nobody Has It All Together
I hope this blog has encouraged you that you are not the only one who needs help sometimes. There is no shame in seeking professional guidance from therapists who can help you with trauma, anxiety, or addictions counseling. Our team at Lime Tree Counseling offers in-person counseling in Ambler, PA, as well as online counseling in Pennsylvania and online counseling in North Carolina. Please reach out today for a free 15-minute phone consultation or schedule your first session. We would love to help you reach your goals!