This post is part of our blog series: What Actually Works – Essential Tools for Emotional and Relational Health
If You’ve Ever Thought “I Don’t Want to Hurt Their Feelings,” This Is for You
You say yes when you want to say no. You let things slide to “keep the peace.” You’re exhausted, resentful, or quietly frustrated—but also scared that if you set a boundary, you’ll come off as rude, mean, or selfish.
You’re not alone. As therapists, we hear this struggle constantly. And we get it—boundaries can feel confusing, especially if you grew up in a family where you were expected to keep others happy or ignore your own needs. But here’s the truth: healthy boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about protecting what matters most—including your peace.
What Are Boundaries, Really?
Boundaries are simply guidelines that help you take responsibility for yourself without taking responsibility for others. They define where you end and someone else begins—emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually.
They’re not walls. They’re not ultimatums. And they’re definitely not selfish.
In fact, setting clear boundaries:
-
Builds trust in relationships
-
Creates space for honest communication
-
Protects you from burnout, resentment, and emotional overload
-
Makes room for healthier connection, not less of it
The Problem: Most People Weren’t Taught How to Set Boundaries
You might have learned to equate boundaries with rejection or disapproval. Maybe saying no felt like a betrayal—or wasn’t allowed at all.
But as adults, the absence of boundaries often shows up like this:
-
Constant people-pleasing or approval-seeking
-
Feeling responsible for how others think, feel, or behave
-
Overcommitting and under-resting
-
Bottled-up resentment that eventually explodes or shuts down
Boundaries aren’t about becoming rigid or uncaring. They’re about being honest with yourself and others—so you can love and connect in healthier, more sustainable ways.
Types of Boundaries You Might Need
There’s no one-size-fits-all boundary, but here are a few categories we often explore with clients in trauma counseling:
🟢 Time Boundaries
Your time is a limited resource. Saying “I can’t commit to that this week” isn’t rude—it’s responsible.
🟢 Emotional Boundaries
You are not responsible for someone else’s mood, choices, or emotional regulation. You can be supportive without absorbing their distress.
🟢 Physical Boundaries
From needing personal space to protecting rest and sleep—your body gets a say.
🟢 Relational Boundaries
You get to decide who has access to you, how often, and under what conditions. Especially if someone has been hurtful or unsafe.
What Healthy Boundaries Sound Like
Here are a few real-life examples you can borrow:
-
“I’m not available this weekend, but I hope it goes well.”
-
“That’s not a topic I’m open to discussing right now.”
-
“I care about you, but I’m not okay with being spoken to that way.”
-
“I need time to think about that before I give an answer.”
The key? Be clear, be kind, and let go of managing other people’s reactions. Their discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
Real Talk From a Therapist
As therapists, we see how life-changing boundaries can be. Clients who once felt chronically overwhelmed or walked on begin to feel empowered, confident, and calmer—not because others changed, but because they did.
Setting boundaries won’t make you cold or distant. It will help you show up in your relationships with more honesty, energy, and integrity.
Action Step: Try This Today
Think of one situation in the past week where you felt drained, irritated, or obligated. Ask yourself:
What boundary would have helped protect my time, energy, or peace?
Then write out one sentence you could use next time. Practice saying it out loud—even if just to yourself.
Ready to Practice Boundaries With Support?
Setting boundaries is a skill—and like any skill, it takes time, practice, and encouragement. If you’re struggling to speak up, draw limits, or stop over-functioning for everyone else, therapy can help.
At Lime Tree Counseling, we help adults & teens across Ambler, PA and Montgomery County build healthy, sustainable relationships—starting with themselves. Whether you’re navigating a difficult family dynamic, a draining marriage, or just want to stop feeling like you’re never enough, we’re here to support you.
You don’t have to keep running on empty.
Reach out today to get started with a therapist who will walk with you as you learn to set healthy boundaries—with confidence and compassion.
About the Author
Katie Bailey, MA, LPC, is the founder and a Licensed Professional Counselor at Lime Tree Counseling in Ambler, Pennsylvania. With more than 20 years of experience, she helps people move from feeling overwhelmed to connected by offering therapy for anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationships. Along with her team of licensed therapists, she provides compassionate, evidence-based counseling to individuals and couples throughout Pennsylvania.