When was the last time you felt angry? For me, it was about an hour ago. I was helping my kids with schoolwork when I realized my son had been playing a computer game instead of doing his assignment. He’s gotten very skilled at switching tabs when he sees me coming—maybe you can relate. I felt frustrated, disrespected, and, honestly, a little foolish. Needless to say, I was angry.
We all feel anger sometimes. It’s part of being human. But many of us were taught that anger is bad or that “nice people don’t get angry.” The truth is, anger itself isn’t wrong—it’s what we do with it that matters.
8 Ways to Manage and Control Your Anger
1. Pay attention to your anger.
Anger is like a flashing warning light that says, “Something’s wrong—pay attention.” Instead of pushing it away, take time to notice it. Anger often points to something deeper that needs care or protection.
2. Learn what anger looks like for you.
Everyone expresses anger differently. Some people yell or pace. Others shut down completely. Notice what happens in your body—maybe your chest tightens, your fists clench, or your face gets hot. Recognizing these signals helps you slow down before reacting.
3. Look beneath the surface.
Imagine an iceberg: the small piece above the water is what people see, but most of it is hidden below. Anger works the same way. Underneath anger, you might find fear, hurt, shame, or disappointment. For me, my anger toward my son wasn’t just about the video game—it was about feeling disrespected and doubting myself as a parent. When we understand what’s underneath, we can respond with insight instead of impulse.
4. Remember you can’t control other people.
You can’t make someone else behave the way you want, no matter how right you think you are. What you can do is set consequences and boundaries. Trying to control others only keeps you stuck in frustration.
5. Focus on controlling your own response.
Your anger isn’t wrong, but your reaction can cause damage. Yelling, name-calling, or slamming doors might feel satisfying for a moment but can hurt your relationships long-term. Learning to pause before you respond protects both you and the people you care about.
6. Identify your triggers.
Certain situations or words make anger flare faster. Maybe it’s feeling disrespected, ignored, or criticized. Knowing your triggers helps you prepare and recognize when you’re about to cross into reaction mode.
7. Calm your body first.
You can’t reason your way out of anger when your body is still in fight-or-flight mode. Take a walk, step outside, pray, breathe deeply, or listen to calming music—whatever helps your body settle before you process the situation.
8. Practice forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean saying what happened was okay. It means releasing the hold another person’s actions have on your peace. You can forgive someone and still protect yourself with healthy boundaries.
When Anger Becomes Overwhelming
Anger itself isn’t the problem—it’s a signal. But when it turns into resentment, outbursts, or physical stress, it’s time to address what’s underneath. Working with a counselor can help you unpack those layers, recognize triggers, and learn new ways to respond with calm and confidence.
Our anxiety counseling in Ambler, Pennsylvania can help you understand how anger and stress are connected. Learning to manage both can bring relief, healing, and healthier relationships.
Related Reading
You might also like our post on Freedom from Difficult Emotions, which offers guidance for working through emotions instead of getting stuck in them.
About the Author
Katie Bailey, MA, LPC, is the founder and a Licensed Professional Counselor at Lime Tree Counseling in Ambler, Pennsylvania. With more than 20 years of experience, she helps people move from feeling overwhelmed to connected by offering therapy for anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationships. Along with her team of licensed therapists, she provides compassionate, evidence-based counseling to individuals and couples throughout Pennsylvania.
FAQs About Anger Management
Is anger always a bad emotion?
No. Anger can be healthy—it tells you when something feels wrong or unfair. The goal is to express it in constructive ways.
What’s the difference between anger and aggression?
Anger is an emotion; aggression is a behavior. You can feel angry without yelling, threatening, or hurting others.
Why do I get angry so quickly?
Fast, intense anger can come from stress, past trauma, unmet needs, or underlying fear. Understanding your triggers helps you manage them.
Can therapy help with anger issues?
Yes. Counseling can help you identify the roots of your anger, practice healthy coping skills, and strengthen your emotional control.