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By Katie Bailey, MA, LPC

All couples argue sometimes. In fact, if a couple in my office tells me they never fight, that’s a red flag to me. Learning to fight fair and work together through the conflict is essential to marriage. It not only helps you solve problems, but your relationship will be more secure after you successfully navigate an issue.

1. “It’s you and me against the world”

There’s a song by the band Parachute called “You and Me”. One line says, “It’s you and me against the world”. Couples need to have this attitude when a conflict arises. It’s not husband vs. wife. It’s husband and wife vs. the problem. You two are a team, with the same goal: what is best for you and your family.

2. Assume your spouse means well

Unless you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you should assume that your spouse means well. Chances are, he/she is not trying to make your life harder. Come at the issue with the attitude that you both want the other’s wellbeing.

3. Remember you don’t speak each other’s language naturally

I really believe we all speak our own language. It takes work and effort to learn someone else’s and even then, we don’t always get it right. If you don’t like what your spouse says, ask them to clarify. Repeat what you hear them say and make sure you got it right. Communication is an essential skill, and one that everyone can learn with practice.

Do you and your spouse need help fighting fair and learning to communicate? At Lime Tree Counseling, I have helped many couples strengthen their relationships. Contact me to learn more about marriage counseling and schedule an appointment. I love helping people connect at a deeper level and learn to truly hear each other!

Also check out these related articles:

Don’t Fear Conflict

Am I In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship?