By Hannah Mosser, MA, LPC
What comes to mind when you hear the term “self-care?” I think we have these cute little buzzwords that sing through society and our lives, yet many of us struggle to actually define what they mean. I surveyed some friends, and they shared the following associations: “time…an inability to pour from an empty cup…putting my needs first so I can be well enough to provide for others…doing the things that make me feel like ME and make me happy…” and so on. Overall, these seem to be honest and consistent associations; this idea of needing to care for oneself in order to best care for others.
I consulted Google who provides the following definition of self-care: “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.” What I like about this definition is that it stays focused on the benefits to the self without taking the view that self care’s value is solely in equipping you to benefit others. Often in sessions with clients, the idea of self-care surfaces due to a negligence of oneself, which is best seen or identified when individuals are feeling burnt out on attempting to meet others needs.
It is in times of stress or constant hurry that we tend to recognize that this element of self-care or self-nurturing is missing. What would happen if, rather than tending to ourselves once we are metaphorically running on empty, we cared for our our own wellness ongoing so that we rarely allowed our gas gauge to fall below a half tank? So, let’s establish a definition of self-care as simply being self nurturing.
How often?
As a counselor, I love questions that only have subjective answers! But seriously, I do. As individuals, we are all wired uniquely, with differing needs and limitations. Some of us are extroverted, some introverted. Some of us are refilled by being active, some of us by slowing down. I am certain that every person reading this post has specific circumstances; whether single or married, working full time, part time or not at all, whether you have children or not, whether you have health issues occurring or have numerous commitments in your week, we all have differing limitations of time. Perhaps the better question to ask then, is not how often but how to build in routines or disciplines that allow for consistent self-care.
My personal take and experience in life is that it is beneficial to do some form of self-care daily. This could look like engaging in a variety of activities that might only take five to ten minutes out of your day. However, this might not be accessible to you in your current season of life. So, perhaps you build in weekly or biweekly routines that allow you space to take care of yourself intentionally. Depending on your personality type or how you refuel, there may even be annual routines that recharge you in a way that cannot occur (due to finances, time, or other limitations) on a more frequent basis.
How do we choose what to do in the name of self-care?
In our American culture, we often tend to think of self-care in a superficial manner: getting your nails done, hair done, watching a show, shopping, etc. I wouldn’t say that self-care is inherently not these things, but I would say that it is so much more than this. Returning to the idea that self-care is self nurturing, it immediately becomes more substantive.
I surveyed my trusty Instagram friends and received some responses regarding how they do self-care. A few that stood out to me included: turning off work email (love this!), getting a massage, doing yoga, and time alone. I like these answers, as they are attending intentionally to caring for their physical bodies, they are upholding boundaries of their mind (not working after-hours), and there is solitude. In a world that is so full of noise and constant motion, for many people alone time seems to be increasingly rare. It is worth seeking out, especially if a break from the noise is a part of what you need to reconnect to your own thoughts, feelings, and body.
Perhaps attending to these three aspects of oneself is a helpful way to characterize self-care. I am including some additional ideas below to help you consider what it is that you need in order to better nurture yourself in this season of life.
Caring for Your Mind:
-Journaling
-Reading (even fiction!)
-Identifying boundaries (with work or other commitments)
Caring for your Emotional Self:
-Journaling!
-Allowing yourself to cry
-Sharing vulnerable thoughts and feelings to a trusted friend/family member (or counselor)
Caring for Your Spiritual Self:
– Taking a prayer walk
– Doing a daily devotional (tangibly reading or listening to a podcast)
– Reading or listening to the Bible
– Joining a small group
Caring for Your Physical Self:
-Taking a walk, run, or hike!
-Eating lunch outside
-Meal/Food prepping
Get More Help
If this blog is causing you to realize that you have not prioritized taking care of yourself for quite some time, for any number of reasons, please reach out this week to Lime Tree Counseling and we would be honored to help you begin a journey of self-care that you are likely craving. We offer anxiety counseling, grief counseling and trauma therapy in addition to other types of services.