Loving someone caught in addiction can feel like living on an emotional roller coaster—terrified one day, hopeful the next, and completely drained in between. You might spend endless hours trying to help them get sober or avoid danger, only to find yourself feeling helpless, ashamed, or alone.
Many people in your position carry the burden quietly, afraid that others won’t understand or might even judge them. You don’t have to face this by yourself. Here are eight things you can do to care for both your loved one and yourself when addiction takes hold.
1. Don’t Blame Yourself
When someone you love is caught in addiction, it’s natural to replay the past and wonder, “What if I had done something differently?” But addiction is not your fault. You didn’t cause it, and you can’t control it.
Sometimes the person who’s using will even shift blame onto others—especially when they’re not ready to face their own behavior. Understanding this pattern takes time, but recognizing that their words don’t define the truth is an important first step toward healing.
2. Recognize You Can’t Control or Protect Them
You can’t follow your loved one around or make them stop using. Trying to do so will only exhaust you. While it’s understandable to want to keep them safe, it’s also vital to acknowledge your own limits. Letting go of control can feel terrifying, but it also frees you to focus on what is within your power—your emotional and physical well-being.
3. Love, But Don’t Enable
It can be hard to know where love ends and enabling begins. Ask yourself: Am I protecting this person from the natural consequences of their actions? If so, it might be time to set boundaries.
You can still love someone deeply while refusing to rescue them. Setting boundaries isn’t cold or cruel—it’s an act of compassion for both of you. Healthy love says, “I care about you, but I won’t participate in what’s destroying you.”
4. Don’t Get Trapped in Debates
When talking with your loved one, stick to what you can objectively observe rather than arguing about whether they have “a problem.” Instead of saying, “You need help,” try, “When you drink, I get scared because you don’t stop until you black out.”
This approach helps reduce defensiveness and focuses on real-life impact instead of judgment.
5. Don’t Nag
Sharing how their behavior affects you is important—but repeating it constantly often backfires. You can’t guilt or nag someone into change. Compassionate honesty is far more effective than criticism.
Avoid shame-based language like, “You’re ruining our family.” Instead, speak from your heart: “I love you and I’m worried about what’s happening.”
6. Educate Yourself
Learning about addiction can help you feel more empowered and less confused. Reputable sources like the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) or SAMHSA offer practical education about the science of addiction and recovery.
You might also find it helpful to read books or listen to podcasts that help you understand how addiction affects both the person using and those who love them.
7. Don’t Do This Alone
This is not a battle you can—or should—fight on your own. Having someone in your life caught in addiction can be deeply isolating. It’s crucial to find safe, supportive people to talk to.
While support groups like Al-Anon can be valuable, you may also benefit from your own addictions counseling. Many loved ones assume, “I’m fine once they stop using.” But the truth is, your emotional health matters too. Counseling can help you process your pain, rebuild your strength, and learn tools to cope with ongoing uncertainty.
8. Keep Hope
Recovery is possible. People do change. It may not happen quickly, and it may not look exactly how you imagined—but healing does happen every day. Holding on to cautious hope can help you stay grounded while facing reality.
You Deserve Support, Too
At Lime Tree Counseling, we know that addiction affects the entire family. Our compassionate therapists in Ambler, PA provide addictions counseling for individuals and loved ones throughout Pennsylvania, both in person and online.
You don’t have to stay trapped in fear and exhaustion. Together, we can help you find balance, set healthy boundaries, and rediscover peace, no matter what your loved one chooses.
Reach out today to schedule an appointment and take the next step toward healing—for both of you.
About the Author
Nate Bailey, MA, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Director of Operations at Lime Tree Counseling in Ambler, Pennsylvania. With more than 20 years of counseling experience, he specializes in helping clients overcome addictions, trauma, and anxiety through practical, goal-oriented therapy. Nate uses evidence-based approaches to help individuals experience genuine healing and lasting change across Pennsylvania.
FAQs About Supporting a Loved One with Addiction
How can I tell if I’m enabling someone?
If your actions protect your loved one from the natural consequences of their choices, you might be enabling. A therapist can help you tell the difference between support and enabling.
Is it okay to set boundaries even if it makes them mad?
Yes. Boundaries are about protecting your health, not controlling theirs. Anger is often part of the process but does not mean you’re doing something wrong.
Can counseling help me even if they won’t get help?
Absolutely. Counseling can help you manage anxiety, set limits, and find peace regardless of your loved one’s decisions.
Do you offer online sessions?
Yes. We provide secure, confidential online therapy for clients anywhere in Pennsylvania.