The Pressure to Be Perfect
If you have kids, you’ve probably watched Encanto more times than you can count. In the song “Surface Pressure,” Luisa sings about feeling like she has to be strong all the time — that her worth depends on what she can carry. It’s an almost perfect metaphor for perfectionism: appearing tough on the outside while crumbling underneath the weight of expectations.
That fear of not being enough — of disappointing others or losing control — drives perfectionism. And over time, it can take a serious toll on your mental and physical health.
1. Your Self-Worth Depends on What You Do
If your identity is tied to achievement, your self-esteem rises and falls with your performance. When everything depends on doing things just right, anxiety skyrockets. Life becomes a constant test — one you can never fully pass.
2. You’re Afraid of Failing
Perfectionists often live in extremes: either pushing themselves relentlessly or avoiding challenges altogether. You might replay mistakes in your mind or overanalyze every detail of a meeting or conversation. Fear of failure can become so overwhelming that it keeps you from enjoying life or trying new things.
3. You Can’t Say No
You might feel responsible for keeping everyone happy — at work, in your family, or in your friendships. Saying no feels selfish. Asking for help feels weak. But when you constantly prioritize others’ needs over your own, burnout and resentment follow.
4. You See Everything in Black and White
In perfectionism, there’s no middle ground. Things are either “perfect” or “a failure.” This kind of thinking prevents you from celebrating small victories or giving yourself grace while learning. Growth happens through trial and error — not through getting it right every time.
5. You Need to Be in Control
If you find yourself trying to control every outcome, it’s probably because uncertainty feels intolerable. But control is exhausting. The truth is, perfectionism can’t protect you from life’s unpredictability — it only magnifies your stress when things don’t go according to plan.
Learning to Let Go
In Encanto, Luisa wonders, “If I could shake the crushing weight of expectations, would that free some room up for joy or relaxation?” The same is true for all of us. Letting go of impossible standards opens space for rest, creativity, and connection.
You don’t need to be perfect to be valuable. You just need to be real.
Finding Support
If you see yourself in these patterns, therapy can help you release perfectionism’s grip and rediscover balance. Learn more about anxiety therapy to explore tools that reduce pressure, calm your mind, and help you find peace.
Our licensed therapists provide in-person and online sessions for clients throughout Ambler, PA and across Pennsylvania. You don’t have to carry it all — we’re here to help lighten the load.
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You might also like Do Less to Do More: Finding Freedom from Busyness.
About the Author
Katie Bailey, MA, LPC, is the founder and a Licensed Professional Counselor at Lime Tree Counseling in Ambler, Pennsylvania. With more than 20 years of experience, she helps people move from feeling overwhelmed to connected by offering therapy for anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationships. Along with her team of licensed therapists, she provides compassionate, evidence-based counseling to individuals and couples throughout Pennsylvania.
FAQs
How can counseling help with perfectionism?
Therapy helps uncover the beliefs driving your need for control and teaches healthier ways to cope with stress, failure, and self-criticism.
Do you offer online therapy in Pennsylvania?
Yes. We provide secure virtual sessions for clients anywhere in Pennsylvania.
Why is perfectionism linked to anxiety?
Perfectionism creates constant fear of failure and unrealistic expectations. Over time, that pressure fuels chronic stress and anxiety symptoms.
What if letting go of perfectionism makes me feel lazy?
Letting go doesn’t mean lowering standards — it means finding a sustainable rhythm. Counseling helps you set realistic goals and value progress over perfection.