{"id":695,"date":"2020-09-08T11:10:47","date_gmt":"2020-09-08T11:10:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kbailey.cmtwclients.com\/?p=695"},"modified":"2022-03-29T16:06:24","modified_gmt":"2022-03-29T16:06:24","slug":"what-hurting-people-need","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/limetreecounseling.com\/what-hurting-people-need\/","title":{"rendered":"Empathy: What Hurting People Need, and What They Don&#8217;t"},"content":{"rendered":"<h6><em>by <a href=\"https:\/\/limetreecounseling.com\/our-team\/\">Alana Gregg, MS<\/a><\/em><\/h6>\n<p>If you look hard enough, there is pain all around us. Whenever we are confronted with pain in someone else, we have to choose how to respond. One choice we have is whether to choose sympathy or empathy. In my facebook live video, I discussed the difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is acknowledging someone\u2019s pain without allowing yourself to really feel it. Empathy is putting yourself in someone else\u2019s shoes and actually imagining what it\u2019s like to be them. Empathy makes you feel more heard and understood. It also brings healing through connection because you know you are not alone. So how do you empathize with someone?<\/p>\n<h2>What <em>not<\/em> to say and do<\/h2>\n<p><strong>\u201cAt least&#8230;\u201d <\/strong>As Brene Brown says, you never want to start a sentence with \u201dat least.&#8221; For example, if someone were to say, \u201cI just lost my dad,\u201d you shouldn\u2019t respond with \u201cat least you still have your mom.\u201d Or if someone said, \u201cI just had a miscarriage,\u201d you shouldn\u2019t say, \u201cAt least you still have your other children.\u201d It sounds silly, but we do this more often than we think. We try to create some sort of silver lining that will make them feel better, but it actually just minimizes their pain.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cI know how you feel.\u201d <\/strong>People always mean well when they say this. You may have gone through a similar situation and are trying to make them feel better. But it isn\u2019t possible to know exactly how they feel because they are a different person and have circumstances that are unique to them. Make sure the conversation stays focused on them and not yourself.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Make jokes. <\/strong>When someone is hurting, our first instinct is to make someone feel better, right? We just want to take away their pain. Sometimes this is for their benefit, but more often than not, it\u2019s for ours. We are uncomfortable, so we try to lighten the mood. This tells that person that they shouldn\u2019t be sad or hurt or that they should pretend to be ok when they aren\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Give advice. <\/strong>Again, we are so quick to want to rescue people from their pain, we start to rattle off any advice we can think of. We want to fix it and make it better, but that might not be what they need. If your first comment starts with \u201cHave you tried\u2026\u201d or \u201cWhat about doing\u2026,&#8221; then you may need to work on your empathy.<\/p>\n<h3>What <em>to<\/em> say and do<\/h3>\n<p><strong>\u201cI am here for you.\u201d <\/strong>Using a statement to convey that the person is not alone is one of the greatest ways to display empathy. When we are hurting, we tend to isolate ourselves or believe that no one else cares. Be someone that they can come to whenever they are sad or someone that won\u2019t run away when things get messy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cThat really sucks. I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d <\/strong>When we acknowledge someone\u2019s pain, we are acknowledging that life is really hard sometimes. We <em>should<\/em> grieve those losses or broken relationships or disappointments. You are telling them that they are normal to feel that way, and that is a gift when their pain may be making them feel crazy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Don\u2019t say anything and sit with them. <\/strong>Many times when people are hurting, words seem to fall short. Find a way to create a connection by joining with them. This means creating a safe space that allows them to feel whatever it is they need to feel. This could look like giving someone a hug, putting your hand on their shoulder, or crying with them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ask clarifying questions. <\/strong>This is the opposite of giving advice. Asking questions and then restating what they\u2019ve said in your own words helps the person feel heard and understood. For instance, \u201cIt seems like you felt like you weren\u2019t important. Is that right?\u201d or \u201cI can see how hard this must be for you. What is the hardest thing about that?\u201d You are giving the other person permission to take you deeper into their heart.<\/p>\n<p><strong>See the situation through their eyes. <\/strong>We all have a lens that we see the world through. But we don\u2019t very often take the time to put someone else\u2019s lens on and experience what it\u2019s like to be them. Sit for a minute and think, <em>if I were them, what would I be feeling? <\/em>It\u2019s only when we take the time to walk in someone else\u2019s shoes that we can really feel their pain and respond with empathy.<\/p>\n<h3>Start Therapy in Pennsylvania<\/h3>\n<p>Maybe you struggle with empathy because you were never taught how to do it. Or maybe you feel disconnected in your relationships, but you don\u2019t know why. At Lime Tree Counseling in Ambler, PA, our trained counselors would love to teach you new skills that will help you relate to others better. If you are hurting right now, please don\u2019t walk through your pain alone. Our counselors would love to come alongside you and help you experience connection and healing. They specialize in trauma and PTSD treatment, <a href=\"https:\/\/limetreecounseling.com\/services\/grief-counseling\/\">grief therapy<\/a>, and anxiety counseling. Don\u2019t give in to the lies that say your situation is hopeless or that no one cares. We are waiting for you to reach out and <a href=\"https:\/\/limetreecounseling.com\/request-an-appointment\/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">schedule an appointment<\/a> or a free 15 minute phone consultation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Alana Gregg, MS If you look hard enough, there is pain all around us. Whenever we are confronted with pain in someone else, we have to choose how to respond. One choice we have is whether to choose sympathy or empathy. In my facebook live video, I discussed the difference between sympathy and empathy. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":697,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Empathy: What Hurting People Need, and What They Don&#039;t - Lime Tree Counseling<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When you encounter people who are hurting, is it possible that what you want to do for them might cause more harm then good?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/limetreecounseling.com\/what-hurting-people-need\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Empathy: What Hurting People Need, and What They Don&#039;t - 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